I’m enjoying writing on my blog again. While it may appear a bit “old news” or lacking the spice and spruce of a +1 or squalor story, I guess it’s my way of trying to illustrate my daygame and coaching ethos so guys can get a better idea of the size of my cock my coaching personality. So here goes. A new piece on some coaching advice for the new lads (and possibly some lads who’ve been in the game a while).
1. Overcome Approach Anxiety.
This for me is the single most important thing you need rationalise-out of your mindset. Approach anxiety is a mirage; an invisible ball and chain. It doesn’t exist. You tell yourself the liquid is acid. It’s not. You can see other guys dipping their hands in. See? It’s just water. It doesn’t hurt. I’ve mentioned before that is is always one of the biggest themes I encounter when coaching and is ironically one of the easier things to fix once I “reprogram” these mindset interpretations from a negative one to a positive one. It’s a substantial topic to cover and I can’t give it the treatment it deserves here. But suffice to say, it is about mindset change – the key elements being excitement and self-belief. I cover this in detail with my clients both in person daygame coaching as well as online.
2. Make friends with failure.
Recognise that rejection is a part of the deal. It is to a degree true that the more you approach, the more comfortable you’ll become, but try saying that to a guy whose done 40 sets that week with nothing to show for it, or a guy with 1000 sets under his shoes and a meagre date or two for the reward. Do not fall into the investment scam of thinking “30 sets a week is needed for a beginner to learn” as most invariably just chew up grass and invariably dig themselves a deeper mindset hole when they see:
30 approaches + 1 week = no better results. Placing 30 bets on horses when your odds are 100-1 will result in a win 1-100 times – only if the running conditions and all other things remain equal.
Why not just have 20 bets on a 5-1?
I’m only partially serious, but readers will see the point (if you’re game is weak, your leads will always be weak).
Pissing away possible Glengarries
I do advocate, up to a certain point, for the idea that activity is key. Simply going out each day and doing two or three sets that resonate something is a far more useful means to get over the cost of rejection and helps to build your confidence progressively. Taking a call centre mentality with a cold calling methodology, does not. It wears you down.
3. You’re not playing to a YouTube audience.
Avoid mimicking your favourite PUA celebrity. Stick to developing your normality base which can built on (ironically, it’s far harder to back engineer and re-build normality in guys who have vectored off into PUA showmanship). Also avoid using complex pickup lines or scripts – as tempting as this may feel. Lose the training wheels of “The Model” as quickly as you can. Aim for natural conversation. Start small and comment on something immediate in the environment, like a book she’s reading or her style and make each open unique to each observation where you can.
Focus on building genuine rapport rather than trying to impress (yourself) with rehearsed lines.
4. Simplify your Mindset and Expectations.
Don’t look at daygame as the professional equivalent of being in a high-powered sales role in the City where you need to bring in a £3m book of business in your first six months. Try to view daygame as one strand in your improvement portfolio, rather than a high-stakes endeavor. This feeds back to Point 1 above, so try and enjoy the interaction rather than focusing solely on the outcome.
It’s fundamentally true to say that confidence comes from within and on this note, the heretical Gen 1 “no no” that saw inner-game and self-improvement as woowoo, is a dangerous path to follow. Look to level-up in areas like fashion, grooming and social skills to naturally increase your appeal as well as feeding your confidence. A win-win for you and the girls you approach.
5. Look at what the picture is saying, don’t analyse the colour pigment.
Reflect on what went well each set and what didn’t. This is not about critiquing yourself harshly but learning what works in your approach style. Don’t micro analyse everything to the nth degree. Think emotion, not process.
Keep a private or public online blog to log, record and understand what resonated but don’t go into micro-detail. Better still, speak to a time-served daygame coach like BroodingSea who will listen to your daygame sets, or better still, do some daygame coaching with him.
6. Volume is not always key.
“The more you practice, the better you get”. So says the old adage. I touched on this in Point 2 above. The act of “doing” more daygame and increasing the volume of your approaches will not lead to a concomitant upward trend in your results. It’s one of the most harmful “truisms” in the daygame space. If you have been doing daygame semi-consistently for 6 months or so and have 500 sets under your shiny white trainers or distressed boots with no results to show for it, you’re probably doing something wrong. Get advice.
7. Stand on your own two feet, THEN get a wing.
I advocate for the idea that you must make your mettle on your own. You must spend the first six months of this journey on your own before you start daygaming with others. Develop your ability to deal with stress, anxiety and welcome the test, alone and as a man. Collate your results, diarise the experience on a blog and then take stock of where you are. Cut your teeth and honestly assess whether you have boxed-off approach anxiety and started to get some results before you get a wing. Otherwise you will just end up cycling through people (or they will cycle through you). If after 6m you are still getting nowhere consider coaching to get fast tracked to have the foundations made and poured for you. I am going against the conventional grain of advice here but I’m speaking from experience as to what has worked for me and has worked with novice guys I’ve coached. You must find your own character and resilience on the streets. Doing daygame with a a wing or a “rat pack” too early will stunt your growth. Learning from others can accelerate your understanding and skills but only once you have established your own baseline – you build from there.
8. Don’t become a Plus One Attention Defecit Disorder (POADD).
Understand that success in daygame isn’t about immediate results unless you’re in your 20s/early 30s, reasonably well put together – male 5 or above. I am speaking here as a daygame coach who has met almost every major daygame name and coach on the internet. A lot of these guys were a lot younger and better looking than they admit on their X accounts. If you’re in your 40s and 50s it may require some very specific skill development, aesthetic and skill changes to break into the elite age cohort of 18-23 (if this is even your aim). A good coach is an honest coach and will keep your expectations realistic to avoid disappointment.
9. Lose the ego and be greedy to learn.
Keep your ear to the ground and integrate yourself with established, grounded voices in the space. This means listening to reason and avoiding the mistake of going too far down the Red Pill hole but looking out for techniques and strategies that can be tailored to your personality. What works for one might not work for another.
Read books, watch videos by all means and especially reach out to guys and coaches with a grown up mentality. Avoid the 20-something X/YouTube coaching crowd as they lack the broader life experience to really offer you the depth you will want to plumb for steer and guidance.
For daygame coaching enquiries contact me on Telegram @BroodingSea or to listen to my daygame infields, actionable daygame advice, podcasts and daygame coaching advice – subscribe to my Locals channel http://www.broodingsea.locals.com
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BroodingSea, December 2024.
BroodingSea - Daygame and Dating Coach 
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