So I’m back in Daygame

But somewhat reluctantly. I have been dating a girl for quite some time and recently arrived back from a 3-week holiday with her. It was perfect. We barely spent a moment apart or a meter apart. Exploring deserted beaches, road trips, deep sleeps and long chats and sex in the early morning light. The chemistry and compatibility was beautiful. I can say I have never been as close to a girl as this in years, if at all. So why have we taken the difficult decision to split up after falling in love. Well the writing was on the wall from day 1. The age difference. She is only 18 (soon to be 19) and I am in my 40s. There had been increasing pressure from her parents who wanted to know why an older man was so interested in her (she said we were travel friends only) and from a cultural standpoint (despite what you read on X) age-gap dating is not the preferred dynamic of younger women even in central and Eastern Europe. She was feeling increasing guilty as she was forced to keep the truth from her parents as well as societal issues more broadly.

I managed to keep a strong emotional lid on things across the first 6-months of the relationship – keeping things grounded, but eventually, we went all-in and confessed we were in love with each other. We were incredibly immersed in one another: long conversations and huge amounts of fun – despite the age difference – there was a strong chemistry and compatibility.

I began to note some of the changes in her tone since she got back and we both agreed we needed to step back. Conversations ensued and she admitted the age difference was becoming a problem – she cannot be in a public relationship with a man my age and do all the things girls do with their boyfriends. So it was with some sadness that we too the decision to end it. It hurts. The little reminders around my house. The pictures on my phone. The voice notes that will no longer come. The sheer abstract pointlessness (seemingly) of killing something good. But it is a decision that must be made for her wellbeing and mine.

I really do regret falling in love. But I am happy for the memories with this special young woman.

Daygame 2024

So this brings me to here – February 2024. I am off to Krakow on Sunday for a week and thereafter I think I will visit Morocco for a few days for some sun and to try stabilise my feelings (this won’t happen) What can I do but get straight back on the horse and get back into some approaching? Is this the remedy? I know that I need to keep busy and stop ruminating but it is easier said than done. We have all been there when we have been on a date but our mind is fixated on another woman. I have no choice. Don’t expect any of the dreaded +1s – I can honestly say I I feel a bit beaten and broken to be chasing fast sex. But I will be trying to secure some dates with some nice girls. I feel quite optimistic and motivated for the coming Spring and Summer and focussed on developing a relationship. I loved the feeling of this one, despite the structural weaknesses in it.

But I know what I want.

BroodingSea, February 2024